GIVE TO GET
If you want to win-win with your negotiations think about what you can give to get what you want. Giving to get, is actually the best way to get what both parties want.
Read up on Win-Win Negotiation. Google it. There are a lot of good articles written about it. However, I want to hone in on the best part of the negotiation process. I use it in my marriage relationship and in business on the ranch and it is most noteworthy. It is Give to Get.
The other day I was listening to a business man who wanted to get his way in a negotiation. He wanted a yes from his partner (called opposite number in negotiation) but he also wanted his opposite number to feel emotionally good after giving him what he asked for. Here is a case where someone is involved in business with someone that they want to continue a good relationship with. (This kind of negotiation sounds a bit like marriage too).
Don’t get caught up in the emotion of the negotiation. Above all maintain your composure and objectivity. If you become angry, you lose.
WHAT COULD I GIVE IN ORDER FOR YOU TO BE MOTIVATED TO GIVE ME MY ASK?
In the example above I asked my client, “What do you think you could do to get your opposite number on your side? In other words, what could you give to him that would motivate him to give you what you want?” It is best to just come out and plainly ask your opposite number; “What could I give you in order for you to be motivated to give me my ask?” Sometimes it is surprisingly simple. The answer will tell you more about your opposite number’s perspective and most certainly, the deep seated concerns they have over your request. Furthermore, you will have a tool to help you further negotiate with something that they want.
This is not manipulation. Instead, it is a powerful tool to navigate what you both want. What do you think you could give your opposite number in return for them giving you what you want? If you want to win-win with your negotiations, think about what you can give to get what you want.
There are a lot of opportunities to use this tool in marriage. Here is a personal illustration. When we were all much younger, I would tell my husband that I was planning to take the children (on the 400 mile road trip) to see their grandparents. This never went over well. He would balk and tell me why I shouldn’t. I could never understand why he didn’t want the children to see my parents.That is what it seemed to me. But that was not his thinking at all. At that time I had no idea of his perspective.
Do you know what the biggest obstacle was in getting what I wanted? He told me it was because I ‘sprung it’ on him. He mentioned that if I would just start suggesting it about 3 months before the actual desired road trip it gave him some heads up. Once I knew that, it all became easier for both of us. I needed to understand what he wanted. I was more than happy to mention my desired road trip months ahead. When I gave that, he became adjusted to the idea and eventually gave me his blessing.
ENCOURAGE COOPERATION TOWARD A COMMON GOAL
Encourage cooperation toward a common goal. What if only one of you has heard of or believes in the win-win? It still can work. Listen first and get agreement on a common goal. Negotiation has a better chance of success when your common goals are articulated.
In the above example, our business man discovered that productivity was their common goal. So he articulated the common goal to his opposite number whom agreed, “Yes, productivity is our goal.” But his opposite number felt the new investment of product would take him (our business man) away from his present responsibilities. He felt that his partner wouldn’t complete his share of the other projects.
So our businessman asked; “What do you need from me that would settle your fears or concerns about me completing these other projects?” His opposite number laid out a document of action points that he wanted completed on certain dates. This was not unreasonable to our business man in the negotiation and he was happy and willing to give that to his opposite number. Simple to the one party, but it was something that was a stumbling block to the other and it had really never been articulated. Within ten minutes of the above conversation, both parties got what they really wanted without either person giving anything up!
ALWAYS REQUEST INSTEAD OF DEMAND
Avoid ultimatums. A take-it-or-leave-it attitude creates pressure and limits options. Don’t paint yourself or the other person into a corner by demanding something that they are not ready to give. That would make it a win-lose scenario. Ask exactly what you want but don’t demand. Sometimes your situation is such that you only have one opportunity to ask. Make sure you are prepared. Ask your person exactly what you want. If you don’t get it have a back up plan to ask for. In other words have a BATNA: Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement. Your BATNA is your favored fallback option if you can’t get everything that you want. https://www.mindtools.com/CommSkll/NegotiationSkills.htm
DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFOREHAND
Be sure to do your research before you start to negotiate. This will help you avoid lose- lose negotiations. It’s like when you fight with a sibling over a ball; you call mom in to mediate and she ends up taking the ball away. No one wins. Negotiation should not leave you worse off than before.
ENGAGE IN CREATIVE PROBLEM SOLVING.
The problem you and the other party are trying to solve can be stated very simply: How can we arrive at a deal that maximizes our individual benefits, minimizes our individual losses and is fair for both? Brainstorm all possible alternatives that achieve all three criteria. https://www.inc.com/rhett-power/13-win-win-tactics-in-negotiating.html Choose the alternative both can live with and —
GIVE TO GET
Show your willingness to give and take as long as the other party is willing to do the same. It won’t always be as easy as the above illustrations but it can be. And what do you have to lose by trying this process? You have everything to lose if you don’t.
-Karen Moilliet April 22, 2020